How To Go Out For Dinner On Your Own
For some, this is unthinkable - so let's take a look at how to navigate the solo dinner once and for all...
I get it, this might sound quite simplistic. For those of us who have a fervent love for dining out solo, this might seem incredibly commonplace. But there are swathes of people out there who regularly reach out and share that the thought of eating out on their own is nightmarish, bringing them out in hives at the thought of sitting down solo in a restaurant full of people on dates or in groups happily eating away.
So let’s break it down. How do you actually go and eat out on your own if you’ve never done it before?
Firstly, we need to take a step back from the dinner itself and ask ourselves why we find it so scary. Aside from the fact that restaurants now a days throw Biscoff on every single item of food (which is the only scary thing you should be looking out for when dining), there’s not a lot ‘literally’ that is scary. However, despite this the list often includes things like:
People will think i’ve been stood up
People will laugh at me
I’ll have nothing to do
What if I see someone I know?
Isn’t it just sad?
Won’t everyone stare at me?
We then have to ask ourselves, what would happen if people thought those things about us? Like really happen - what would the inevitability of those thoughts be in someone else’s head?
Would we know about them? No.
What about if they spoke to their friends and said those thoughts about us to them… we would be able to hear them saying it surely?
What would we do then? Would we be forced to leave? Would I have to sit in silence and be laughed at from across the restaurant? A ripple would form around the venue as every single person in the room finds out that I am in fact, eating alone. I would be cast out and hunted down like Elpheba, forced to paint myself green and write the words LONER on my forehead for all eternity.
All for eating on my own in a Wagamamas.
Of course that’s not going to happen, but our brain might tell us it will so we’ll often listen to the fantasy rather than believe in the reality of what’s actually going on. That’s how our brains work sometimes, and for some things in life we can’t get over that fear. I have that about plenty of things - things like flying or walking into a Wetherspoons. I think it’ll be horrible and scary so I don’t do it, even though it’ll probably be fine and i’ll get through the other side unscathed.
But for those of us who want to fight this fear and move through to the other side dining alone with glee and confidence, taking those first steps can be daunting. So, the very best tip I can give you and often the simplest, is to find somewhere you know you already love. You don’t need to be going to the Shangri-La on your own for your first trip out, (unless you want to of course). This might feel challenging, but ultimately this isn’t a test so you don’t have to prove anything to yourself by going somewhere super fancy. Go somewhere that is going to be comfortable for you, first and foremost.
Choose somewhere you know is a creature comfort of yours. Maybe somewhere you go with friends, or a spot you order frequently on Deliveroo but now instead of gracing the delivery driver in your pyjamas you can walk inside in your outside clothes. Fun!
But where?
Pizza Express and Wagamama are great spots for this, not only because they have seating booths and spots for solo folk, they also have familiar food that we know and love, so nothing is going to feel super scary. Wagamama also lets you pay the bill from your seat using the QR code - a solo diners dream. Sit down, order, pay at your own pace and leave when you’re ready. It’s a delight. I know chain restaurants aren’t always the most luxurious, but if you’re nervous and like me enjoy a routine, then starting off somewhere that you know what you’re walking into is a great start. Then, when you get more comfortable you can try new spots that offer a little bit more mystery.
What do I do with myself?
Another common question that people ask me is what do you do with your time when you’re waiting for your food and in the most polite way possible, I tell them to do whatever they like, because i’m not their mother.
As long as you’re not being too loud, too obstructive or just flat out annoying - you can do whatever you desire. I’ve gone through phases of watching TV with my headphones in, taking the Radio Times and having a peruse of the weeks telly or tackling the puzzles page to doing the NYT crossword and having a stab at the days Wordle. You can do, whatever you want.
If you’re stuck or feel self conscious, try something that is a creature comfort of yours. Again, this isn’t a test of character, it’s supposed to be enjoyable so don’t feel like you have to sit there in silence the whole time to prove something to yourself. Take a podcast, a book, a newspaper - gosh even take a puzzle if you think you can do it fast enough to then use as a placemat.
We all have to learn to let go of what other people think about us, for strangers views on our actions are none of our business.
Again, context dependent of course but in the case of you - the solo diner taking yourself out for dinner harmlessly on a saturday evening - other peoples opinions of you tucking into your favourite dinner on your own is none of your business. Even if they’re thinking lovely things about you, one of the fundamental principles of living a life alone and feeling content in that is letting go of what people think about what you’re doing. Why? Because if you enjoy it, and it’s not hurting anybody, then you are surely allowed to keep doing it.
For example, when I see people vaping in public do I think it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to this world? Yes. But does my thought that vapes look like steampunk harmonicas make any difference to the people that I am thinking that about. No, and truth is - it shouldn’t. We should all be able to make our own decisions in life, even if other people don’t like them or think they’re weird, without changing ourselves every time someone tells us they think what we’re doing is ‘odd’. Other peoples opinion of me is none of my business - especially when i’m eating a chicken ramen and doing a crossword.
The same goes for you. No ones opinion of you should let you alter what you’re doing for your own enjoyment, and if you’ve spent a lot of your life altering yourself because of what other people think or what you think other people MIGHT be thinking, then it’s time you set yourself free and allow yourself the chance to live without fear. Just once, and see how you go.
Let me know how you get on, and be sure to check out my series across Instagram where I show you how it’s done.